Do what you do

Oh snaps, son…I’m back!

First of all let me thank the editors of the DAP for giving me a paid vacation.  It’s good to be back doing this writing/reflecting thing.  Let’s get to the business.

Auditions.  I love them.  But wait, I actually do.  No, no, I don’t like the sitting around and not even knowing if I’ll be seen (welcome to the wonderful world of going to Equity Chorus Calls when you’re still non-equity or an equity membership candidate).  But what I do love is the chance to perform and get in front of people.

Pause.  Let’s do a flashback.

Last year in April, I went on my first audition for a professional show.  I was crazy nervous.  Shaking.  I didn’t know what I was going to do if I didn’t get the gig!  I remember waiting to hear back—I was thinking about it all the time.  Luckily, I got the job!  It was an amazing time, and I grew immensely.

The next audition I had, I was still crazy nervous, but not as much.  I walked into the room with my head a little higher, and I put some more of the bass back into my voice.  I got a callback, but didn’t get the gig.

I remember my mom asking me, “What was wrong with you?  Why didn’t they like you?” I laughed and told her that sometimes you’re just not right for a part, and it says nothing about you as a person.  Internally, though, there was definitely some doubt.

As I auditioned more and more in Atlanta, I became less and less nervous each time.  I was getting used to it. I stopped thinking about auditioning as just a one-time opportunity to get a one-time job.  Instead, it was a chance for me to show somebody my talent and an opportunity to do what I love: perform.

Now, this isn’t to say that every audition has been great.  I still remember an audition last December in which I started a song a few keys too high.  Hot mess.  Or when the auditor asked me to tell him something interesting about me, and I responded: “Umm, I’m very passionate about anything I do.” (SERIOUSLY, LUMUMBA?! WTF WERE YOU THINKING WITH THAT ANSWER?!).  See, already I’m getting pissed.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Anyway, all of this is to say that you just have to go in there, and leave it all in there.  Just like when I get on stage and throw my entire self into my work and leave it on the stage, I have to do the same at auditions.  Yes, it’s important to critique yourself in order to get better, but a lot of times it’s just as important not to overanalyze things.  Do your best, and let it go.

When I first got to NYC, I was lucky to land my first few auditions.  Now, I’ve been having one of those periods where I go to auditions and usually don’t hear anything back.  To be honest, of course I would love to be landing gigs.  But I’m also realistic.  I know I won’t get everything.  And I’m just crazy happy that I get a chance to sing in front of people who sit there attentively and watch me do what I do best—whether if it’s just for 16 bars or a full song.  I walk in confidently, deciding that I’m going to make sure the next 30 seconds or few minutes of my life will actually be fun.

So yeah, I still hope everyday that I’ll get some email or a phone call that will be the beginning of some crazy awesome gig (shoot, or just any gig), but I also know that these things take time.  I’m building a foundation.  Getting my name out there.  And I can already feel that with each audition, I’m getting better.  I’m learning what works and what doesn’t in the real world.  In the world in which I audition not just for fun, but to eat.

What’s the point of standing on the plank without enjoying the breeze?